Not Alone
by RisemRanger21
Summary: "Can anyone save a heart that's already been broken..?"  My first song fanfic! I hope you guys enjoy XD


**Not Alone**

He pins me against the wall of my bedroom, his eyes hidden by the brown hair that I always admired. Our breathing mixes together as he pulls me close, one arm wrapping tightly around my waist as the other raises to clamp its hand at the back of my neck. Although I know I cannot free myself from his iron grip, I struggle against it anyway…knowing that though he holds me in a possessive embrace, his actions are made out of lust; lust, and nothing more. How can someone like him, so pure and kind-hearted, ever love a monster like me?

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><p><em><strong>Slowly fading away,<br>**__**You're lost and so afraid…**_

* * *

><p>"Suzaku…let me go. What are you..?"<p>

"I want you, Lelouch."

My breath hitches in a surprised gasp as I try to push him away to where I can look at his eyes; sensing my desire he clutches me tighter to him, pinning me against his body. A growl of protest claws its way out of my chest, and I struggle with renewed vigor.

"This isn't funny Suzaku! Get out of my bedroom!"

"…No."

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><p><em><strong>Where is the hope,<br>**__**In a world so cold..?  
><strong>__**Looking for a distant light;  
><strong>__**Someone who can save a life…**_

* * *

><p>His ready defiance startles me. Never before has he denied anything I ordered or asked of him…so, why now? What makes tonight any different than any others we've spent together? Jerking my neck out of his firm hold I turn my head away, my violet eyes narrowed. Why do I feel such pain whenever he holds me like this? I should feel safe in his embrace; I should welcome it, and yet…<p>

"Get AWAY..!"

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><p><em><strong>Living in fear<br>**__**That no one will hear your cry…**_

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><p>Shoving will all the strength I can muster, I finally push him away from me. As he backs up the warmth that always accompanies him leaves as well, and I shiver in response to the harsh reality.<p>

I am alone.

Turning my head to the side, I can't bring myself to look at him. Silence ensues, and with every passing second my angst grows within me.

Why?

Why won't he SAY anything? My heart thuds painfully in my chest as I wait for the words that would shatter the silence around me…but nothing comes. Squeezing my eyes shut, I wrap my arms around my slender frame.

"Go away. Don't you have a Princess you have to protect?"

My heart constricts at the mention of my sister. Princess Euphemia…the one whom he chose to follow above all others.

Even me.

"…I'm not leaving, Lelouch."

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><p><strong>"<em>Can you save me now?"<em>**

* * *

><p>Faintly I hear his footsteps as he starts towards me again. Disgusted at my show of weakness I turn my body away from him, facing my bed as my arms come up to clutch my trembling shoulders.<p>

"Why?"

The question escapes my lips before I realize it. A step away his body freezes, but my lips seem to have a mind of their own and I continue on.

"Why do this to me? What is so different about me now that makes you say these things? What makes you want me so badly now; I haven't changed since back in the days of our childhood. I'm still Lelouch…just plain old Lelouch. So why? Why do you act this way? I don't understand…I don't understand!"

Strong arms suddenly grab hold of my shoulders, turning me around and encasing themselves around me in one swift move, pinning my arms to where I can't move once again. He lifts his face to where his green eyes finally meet mine. My breath hitches as I see the unmasked lust that swims within their depths.

"…You ask me why? Why don't I just SHOW you?"

Before I can open my mouth to protest, his lips come down hard on mine. My eyes opening wide in shock I struggle again against his hold; my futile attempts soon becoming apparent I give in, molding myself against his body. How can I fight him? Even if the only thing he feels is lust…my emotions blind me to reality. Sensing my cease in our silent struggle, Suzaku releases his firm hold around my body and instead lowers his hands to wind loosely around my waist. My mind becoming muddled and incoherent, I raise my arms to wrap around his neck, and when I feel his tongue seeking entrance I open myself to his exploration. His arms wind tighter around me, pulling my lower body closer to his own. As the heat within me escalates I pull away from his kiss, the sudden movement against his body making me gasp.

"Ah..!"

"Lelouch...?"

Looking up I stare into his questioning gaze. Suddenly feeling shy I turn my gaze away, blushing as he still holds me tight against his body. My hand clutches at the fabric of his shirt; if only…if only these feelings of his were REAL.  
>A husky chuckle from above makes me raise my gaze back to him. Suzaku shakes his head, his tousled locks swaying with its motion.<p>

"You really are too cute, Lelouch."

"What are you talking about? I am not…nnngh..!"

I'm cut off as his lips seek mine again. Before I realize it, he's jerked me down to the bed. My stifle my moans as he kisses down my neck, his hands skimming down my body. He croons softly into my ear, his words resonating within me…

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><p><strong>"<em>I am with you!<br>__I will carry you through it all,  
><em>_I won't leave you,  
><em>_I will catch you…when you feel like letting go.  
><em>'_Cause you're not…  
><em>_You're not alone!"_**

* * *

><p>"Ahh…S-Suzaku..!"<p>

My words are silenced as his lips once again seek my own.

"Mmnn…ngh, ah hahh…ah..! Hah…"

My head hazy with pleasure I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tight to me as he does the same. Shivering from his touch on the bare skin at the nape of my neck, my eyes widen as I hear the soft rustle of pants being unzipped. Automatically my body stiffens as I feel his hand move down to graze the top of my underwear.

"Suzaku, no! Stop! Don't touch…a-ahh!"

A groan of pleasure flows from my lips as I feel his hand enclose on my hard member.

"Lelouch…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Your heart is full of broken dreams,<br>**__**Just a fading memory…**_

* * *

><p>My eyes close and I reach out on either side to grasp hold of the bed sheets, my throat constricting as I bite my lip, holding back the first moan as he begins to move his hand up and down, creating a steady rhythm. My back arches as I let out a low groan, not able to hold it in any longer.<p>

"S-Suzaku…I, ah! Nngh..!"

"I know."

Realizing my eyes have closed I open them, my gaze hazy as I look up at the soldier leaning above me. My eyes filling with sudden tears I gasp, trying to hold them back.  
>If only…if only what I felt in my heart was reflected in his.<p>

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><p><em><strong>And everything's gone…<br>**__**But the pain carries on.**_

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><p>"S-Suzaku…"<p>

Pulling his questioning lust-filled gaze to mine I touch my lips back to his, shivering as he continues to pump my hard cock. Seeking entrance into his mouth, he willingly opens and I begin my own exploration. I sigh into his mouth; I'd almost forgotten how good he tasted. Having gotten him preoccupied, my hands slither down his stomach, easily unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. With a gasp he breaks away from my kiss, leaning his forehead into my shoulder as my hand makes contact with his cock. Nuzzling his neck I push against his shoulder, making him fall onto the bed as I re-position myself on top of him. Leaning down I reconnect our lips, raising my lower body so I can shimmy out of my pants and underwear, leaving my bottom half completely bare.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Lost in the rain again…<br>**__**When will it ever end?**_

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><p>His eyes widen at the sight of me straddling him.<p>

"Lelouch…"

"…You said you wanted me…right?"

I shift my gaze down to stare into those green orbs, my heart constricting once again as I watch him nod hungrily. Shifting myself I raise up, shaking my head as his hands move to tug me back down to him.

"Let me…let me do this, Suzaku."

"Lelouch, what do you…aghh! Nngh…"

His question turns immediately to a growl of pleasure as I sink down on top of his dick; willing myself to relax, I watch as he grabs fistfuls of bed sheets, battling his urge to thrust up and meet me. Groaning, unable to stop myself I finally take him all in, waiting for my body to adjust to such a long length. Then, finally, I begin to move; going all the way up, then thrusting down to swallow all of him at once I begin to ride him, my voice ragged as waves of pleasure wash over me. Moaning along with me Suzaku releases the sheets and grabs hold of my waist, steadying myself as I continue to ride him.

"L-Lelouch…ahh…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>The arms of relief<br>**__**Seem so out of reach, but I…**_

* * *

><p>My groans intensify as Suzaku begins to thrust up and meet me as I come down on him. My hands slick with sweat I hold tight to his legs, continuing my fast pace.<p>

"Suzaku…I-I can't…hold it, ahh…"

"I'm…I'm close to..!"

Without warning he sits up, grabbing my waist and ramming me down hard, piercing himself into me. Burying my head in his shoulder, I try to muffle my cries as he brings me closer to my peak. Reaching down with one of his hands he rigorously pumps at my cock, sliding all the way up and then back down. Throwing back my head I release a long moan, my body shivering.

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><p><em><strong>But I am here..!<strong>_

* * *

><p>"S-Suzaku..!"<p>

"Lelouch!"

Together our bodies convulse as we reach our climax; breathing heavily, he rests his forehead against my shoulder and I do the same to him. My body still shuddering from the waves of pleasure I hold tight to him, my eyes again filling with shameful tears. He turns his head, kissing the inside of my neck.

* * *

><p><em><strong>And I will be your hope<br>**__**When you feel like it's over!**_

* * *

><p>"…I love you, Lelouch."<p>

I shudder at those words, clinging tighter to him as my eyes squeeze shut. In my heart, I want so very badly to believe those words…but I cannot.  
>Soon, he'll raise himself from my bed, whispering into my ear that he has to go. Even if I tell him to stay, he'll throw me that crooked grin and say,<p>

"It's my job, Lelouch."

And then he'll be gone. Out of my life…and into my sisters; for he is not only a soldier. He is her knight. He will stay with her whether I want it that way or not. He calls it a job, but I know better; I know the look in his eyes when he sees her…the way he automatically leaves my side to go running off to hers.

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><p><em><strong>And I will pick you up<br>**__**When your whole world shatters…  
><strong>__**And when you're finally in my arms,  
><strong>__**Look up and see…**_

* * *

><p>"…louch? Lelouch..?"<p>

I startle out of my trance, looking up to see his face only inches from mine.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Love has a face..!<strong>_

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><p>Shocked and slightly embarrassed I look down, a blush creeping up my cheeks. His soft laugh comes from above and he kisses me gently on top of my head before moving away from me and shifting his legs off of the bed.<p>

"Is it alright if I use your shower?"

I nod silently, continuing to look down at the bed sheets. Hearing the creak of the bed as he moves away from it I close my eyes, bracing myself as I hear him hesitate at the bathroom door.

"…I love you, Lelouch…"

And just like that, my world begins to shatter. I nod again and, as the door shuts behind him, I lower myself to the bed, covering my face with the sheets as my body begins to shake. I lay there, letting the sobs wrack through my body…because in the end, I know what the 'love' he feels for me is.

Lust, and nothing more.

* * *

><p><strong>"<em>I am with you!<br>__I will carry you through it all,  
><em>_I won't leave you,  
><em>_I will catch you…when you feel like letting go.  
><em>'_Cause you're not…  
><em>_You're not alone!"_**

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><p><em>This is my very first LuluxSuzaku fanfiction...please send comments and reviews; I welcome any suggestions!<em>  
><em>I'm pretty proud of it...it took me about 2 12 hours to write and edit :)_

_*Song used in Fanfiction - Not Alone by Red*_


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